If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe they're supposed to be there.

Fact or fiction?
I'm just not sure anymore. The only thing I know is I can't CAN'T CAN'T stop thinking about her. She's not supposed to be there, that place is supposed to be filled with someone else. If I know this, why do I still think of her?
One little thing will remind me...
...and cause quite the snowball effect. Before I know it I'm lost in my thoughts.

It shouldn't be this way.

Decisions...

We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the present...

This can be applied to many things, something as basic as what we are going to have for lunch, exercise, study habits, a relationship or even a more crucial decision--for instance moving to a new place.

Now, I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an unhappy individual, however lately that seems to be the only status I can give myself. I've never quite stepped back and looked at the bigger picture but rather blamed my unhappiness on smaller dilemmas of which I convinced myself I couldn't control. Relationships being number one, and after some thought I've realized that I'm the only one who CAN control the way relationships effect my emotions. It's all about how far I'm willing to let someone push/pull me, and in the past i've given way too much. I've slso blamed my unappiness on school, and work, and any other obstacle that i'm too lazy to even attempt to overcome.
Consequently, when I change the direction of my relationship, my study habits in school, my work hours, or anything else--I'm still unhappy. This has brought me to the conclusion that my current state isn't a result of any of these things, likewise changing these things will not change the way I feel.

I've lived in Olive Hill (basically Morehead) for many years, 19 to be exact. Nineteen LOOONG years, in a small hell hole with zero opportunities and no economy. The most promising job one can hope for in morehead would be a position as Manager in a fast food chain, or maybe Walmart. There are few self-owned businesses that actually amount to anything, and in an area as small as Morehead it would seem to be near impossible to get one started. Lately I've been faced with two decisions-- stay here, finish out school (not sure what I want to be), continue to work at the Dollar General and risk spending more time than I want with that stupid company OR move somewhere (lexington most likely) take a semester off of school, so I can figure out exactly what I want to do without wasting time and/or getting the grades I don't want, and have many, many, MANY more opportunities. This may not be the way I need to look at things, but I feel like this will completely turn things around for me. I've always been the most indecisive person, EVER and making a decision this big is scary, but what's even scarier is my future if I stay here. I've always thought there was just a block in my thought process when I tried to think out my life in Morehead, but now I'm realizing more and more that it could be because there's nothing here for me. I know I can be something great, well...I have the drive to be anyhow, I just need to learn what that is exactly... 

I think I can do it, in fact I KNOW I can do it...
...now, all I have to do is ACTUALLY go through with it.

When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take - choose the bolder.

 "Looking at you..

...holding my breath, for once in my life, i'm scared to death..

..I'm taking a chance, letting you inside."

 AAAhhhhhhhhhh

I'm happy. :)

Today was great, road trip to Louisville for a softball game. I met some grand new people!
I also FINALLY studied in the library! Well...pretended to study, but mostly talked ;)

On the downside, it's very cold in my apartment. Boo.